I just bought Sam Smith’s deluxe album the other day. It’s fantastic, it really is. BUT, I’m a little disappointed. I got the deluxe version hoping for the added EPs. I grabbed it not looking at the list of songs because normally when you pay a little more money you get all the extras :(

OK, we ALL love Latch by Disclosure featuring Sam Smith. The acoustic version is cool, but it doesn’t beat what we’ve all grown to love so much. ANNNND….there are two more songs that I am so madly in love with that isn’t on here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At Target, this is what you’ll get. I’m not a fan of the MJ mix though.

1. Money On My Mind
2. Good Thing
3. Stay With Me
4. Leave Your Lover
5. I’m Not The Only One
6. I’ve Told You Now
7. Like I Can
8. Life Support
9. Not in That Way
10. Lay Me Down
11. Restart
12. Latch (Acoustic)
13. La La La
14. Reminds Me of You (Target Exclusive)
15. Stay With Me (featuring Mary J. Blige)(Target Exclusive)
16. In the Lonely Hour (Target Exclusive)

Nirvana and Make It To Me. Have you heard these? OMFG I will post a YouTube link below.

Anywho, I was planning to go to his concert in September. It looks like it may not happen because for whatever stupid reason I wasn’t able to buy tickets last week. I thought it just wasn’t available. Now all the sudden prices have sky rocketed. I think $85 for standing seats? OK, for one…I would have much rather his concert be outdoors. It’s more chill, kick back type of music. Why would I want to stand the entire time? I can pay 100+ for actual seats, but I don’t know if it’s really worth it. Paying $230 for Beyonce….OK, that I am more than happy to pay. I like you a lot Sam Smith, if it was outdoors and I was able to lounge on the lawn like all my Sheryl Crow concerts, I would so be there. BUT, you’re not! I’m so sad  :( I dunno, we’ll see. I change my mind all the time.

So…I give this album an A. Even though the songs I REALLY wanted aren’t on there. Stay With Me and Lay Me Down…I love, love!!! :)

 

 

 

 

image

Love, love Nirvana

And this one as well, LOL.

 

 

 

What is Spoken Poetry?

Spoken poetry are words coming to life. It’s when just seeing the words on paper isn’t enough. There’s something about it that has to be heard, spoken.

I have yet to start video blogging. I’m not very fond of being in front of the camera. But I know I must! Maybe for now I can do little slide shows? LOL I write a lot of poetry. Which of most have never been seen or heard by anyone other than me. I think it’s time to start sharing…some of them anyways. I started compiling a bunch I wrote and I hope to be publishing soon. Self publishing that is. Maybe one day I’ll be up on stage like Sarah Kay…?? :) Who knows. A girl can always dream right? But for now, I’ll start slowly. Everything is a process and practice makes perfect. Then again nothing can ever be perfect. What matters is just actually doing it. So I’m gonna do it :)

If you don’t know Sarah Kay or anything about Spoken Poetry, here’s a start. It’s sooooo magical. You guys will love this! I sure do :)

 

I saw these photos on Instagram and it made me think a lot as I was home on a Saturday night…actually I even stayed in Friday night :) Let me explain, these past few months I feel like I’ve been constantly on the go. I’m out here, there, everywhere. Things have changed so much for me this past year. Especially these past few months. I kinda started feeling like I was doing too much “Turning UP” recently. The universe was giving me subtle messages in its own way. Thank you, again :)

I had my son young, at 18. He’s 14 now. He has been my entire life. EVERYTHING, every decision I’ve made regarding my life was to make sure he has a good life. A childhood that was opposite of mine. I look back now and I’d say I think I did a pretty good job. No where near as perfect as I’d like, but still pretty good. It’s always just been me and him. Still is, but it’s not the same. He’s growing up, becoming a man. He has a girlfriend who he’s been with awhile. He loves being with his friends. He’s no longer the boy that’s attached to my hip. If you have little ones, you know that feeling when your child looks up at you? Like you are the best person ever in the world and I love you so much mom. I don’t see that anymore. I know he loves me, but I’m no longer his entire world. I’m getting pretty emotional writing about this :( So…let me change the subject quickly, lol. Long story short, at first I was really sad, lonely and even depressed. I felt like I was losing my son. It took me a little while but I realized losing your child to the world is a part of raising children. It’s not so much a lost, although that’s how I felt at the time…it’s them becoming their own person. Gosh I sheltered him so much, kept him so close. And now, now I’ve learned to loosen the chains. I’m letting go…SLOWLY…lol. His high school years are coming, with that is a whole new lesson on parenting. He’s going to make mistakes as well as I. It’s new to both of us. I have faith in the bond him and I share. We’ll make it through anything and everything together.

Now, why has my life been so crazy busy these past few months…? I don’t need a babysitter anymore, LOL. It’s true. I kinda come and go as I please. I don’t have to worry about him in the same way I use to when he was little. He can pretty much take care of himself. If anything I just have to be a step a head of him when it comes to being a dumb teenager. I don’t mean he’s literally dumb, I just mean teenagers do dumb things. I sure as hell did at that age. Unfortunately for him, I can say…”Been there, done that and you ain’t getting away with anything.” I guess being a young mom has its advantages :)

With this new-found “freedom,” I’ve been all over the place. I guess you could say I’m living the life I didn’t have in my 20′s. Not completely crazy or anything. I’ve just been able to be more of ME, as an individual. Not just mom. I have a better balance now. I get to really be me yet at the same time still be a mom. It wasn’t like that before. It was ALL MOM. As it should be though. When you have kids, they come first…that’s it. I still got my occasional me time, but I was never fully able to just be Roacilynn. Does this make any sense?

Anyways, this past weekend I stayed in ALL weekend. I haven’t done that in months. It was relaxing. I actually miss it. I got some things done around the house that needed to get done. I watched some movies. Got some study time in. And just enjoyed my bed. I spent hours Saturday morning just reading. It was nice, peaceful. I had an inkling urge to go out…but I talked myself into not. I’m so glad I did. This weekend was something I really needed.

It’s been a crazy year. So much has changed. I know now I never really sat down to think about all the changes. You know how sometimes when you have problems and you don’t wanna face it? Instead you occupy yourself everything else besides the problem? Well, I think that’s what I kinda did. Bad, bad :( I’m not saying I haven’t enjoyed myself or that I’m not happy because I am very happy. I have problems, who doesn’t? But overall life is good. I don’t need much, I’m a pretty simple girl. People may see differently by how I look or carry myself though. But what they don’t know is my life’s mission is to make a difference. To help change lives and the world. That’s my PASSION. MY CALLING. I still like to look nice and have a good time in process. Nothing wrong with that. People have a lot to say but they have no idea what I’ve gone through, where I’m from and what I’m all about. Oh well, I don’t have time to waste. Get to know me or don’t…your choice.

Now that I’ve had some time to think, I know that a new chapter is about to begin. This past weekend has given me clarity. About where I’m at in my life. I have things that I’ve pushed aside that is in need of attention. I think about where I want to be a few years from now and I know I’ve lost sight of that. I think about some of the people I’ve surrounded myself with. A good time yes, but we’re on such different wave lengths. I’ve been reminded of what really matters. I like tangible things as well as people. I’m not the type who is interested in being popular or the life of the party. I don’t care to have an abundance of fake friends. I value true, honest friendships. With that being said I’ve decided to take a step back. I like to have a good time, yes. I love music, I love to dance and I also love to drink. But I have to remember that I’m not like a lot of the people I hit the clubs with. Nothing wrong with them, it’s just me. I need a balance of work and play…just not all play. Maybe even more work, lol. I need stability and solitude. Not weekly outings to do the same thing over and over.

It’s so easy to get caught up isn’t it? I guess we all go through our spurts of getting lost in the motions. Thankfully I always find my way back to my center.

OK, so I like “Turning UP.” Like I said, I love music, dancing and drinking. I don’t see anything wrong with it. I just think you should have a good balance of work and play. And remember…keep good company. Here are the IG photos :) How ironic I find these during my night in.
image

 

When I say keep good company, this is what I mean.

Keep good company.

Keep good company.

 

I’d say great things have happened within this last year. I’ve gotten to know myself even better. I’ve endured some pain that in return helped me open up. I’ve gotten a good taste of what being 21 is like, lmao. I can see that I’ve done a fine job with how I raised my son. He’s a great kid. I know I don’t tell him enough. See…another new found awareness. I need to tell him that more! I’ve always been pretty well put together. Good work ethic. I’m responsible…for the most part :) I’ve always been pretty ambitious, goal driven. And now, I can really see that my future looks pretty bright. I have some crap that I have to get in order now due to me looking the other way. All in all, I’m seeing things for what they really are. Family, friends, girls…it’s all becoming quite clear.

Now…I just keep truckin :) Do my thing :)

 

 

 

 

Intrigued ….where has this feeling been all my life? Intense. I can’t quite put my finger on it…I can’t explain it. Everything from past experiences have led me to this, although I didn’t know it at the time…

 

Whats to come...

 

We bounce back and forth with raw emotions and uncertainty. I found myself longing for something that I now know wasn’t what I really needed at all. I take that back, the experience was worthwhile because it taught me how to be vulnerable. It actually isn’t such a bad thing. It’s a reminder from the universe that I must let myself feel. I mean REALLY FEEL. Not halfheartedly, but wholeheartedly. It’s a reminder that my heart is a living, beating magical masterpiece.

I’ve always been very good at being detached. Realizing I’m incapable of fighting every weakness means I’m growing….I think -_-  I’ve gone through life and built relationships with one foot out the door. Why? Simple…hurt, fear. People who’ve gone through things learn to build layers. It isn’t something crafted like fine art. It’s reckless. It’s unaware. There’s no harmony in it. Just layers and layers of spattered paint. In our eyes it makes perfect sense while others see us as broken.

Granted I’m true to my nature. I’m a Virgo so the core of me is who I am and it’s not going to change. I’m cautious when it comes to EVERYTHING. Bad experiences can cause extra excess baggage to turn anyone sign a bit fearful. It’s human nature to want to shield ourselves once we’ve been wronged.

You know the old saying, the older you get the wiser you become? Soooo true. I’m so much more comfortable in my skin. I’m most definitely more level-headed as well. I know now that life isn’t about sheltering yourself from pain. It’s actually about truly feeling. Good and bad. I know now it’s OK to crawl in bed for a day or two with the curtains closed. It’s OK to cry in the shower. There is nothing weak about that. It’s our heart functioning. Don’t soak for too long though. If you follow me you know I can’t stand self-pity. The reality is, life will always go on. Don’t be defeated by dark times. Know that it will past. Always look for the light because it will always find you IF you let it.

So…back to why I started writing this morning, lol. I have this feeling weighing heavily on my shoulders right now. Hmmm….lets see if I can explain it more poetically :)

 

I’m a bit speechless, you’ve taken me by surprise.

What I thought, was in fact, so not true at all. Forgive my assuming nature and critical eye.

I have fallen to the depths of your charismatic aura.

You appeal to ALL my senses.

With you I see it runs deep.

With you lies passion, it’s easy to see within your eyes.

There is nothing shallow regarding you. By all means you come as real as it gets. And that, I truly admire.

It’s unsaid but we both know the truth. There is this karmic bond that I can’t explain.

Time doesn’t standstill, but your presence has.

Fate kept you lingering. Always with a distance but none the less, you were always there.

Appearing at all the wrong and right moments.

You’re aggressive, I’m a bit passive.

Did I seem aloof and uninterested? Understand that stems from my reserved and shy manner.

Uncertain and fearful of the outcome, I couldn’t continue with just the thought of you. I needed to know you.

One step forward and two steps backwards? I of all people know things happen for a reason.

That…I am OK with.

Know that I to, fear and have insecurities.

Time is what’s needed I know.

We’re two souls that I have connected. Whether it be for love or friendship, you’ve captured my mind.

I am completely intrigued by the thought of you.

Whatever it may be, I’m here.

I like you in my space. Just in case you don’t know :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She is strength…

She is deep…

She is passionate…

She is emotion…

She is complicated…so, so complicated.

She tries to mask her inner self…and oh she does it so well. But, what she does not know is her naked eyes tell it all. It tells a story of a wondrous woman. A woman she may not even know she is yet.

She desires…

She is uncertain…

She is fearful…

At any drunken moment she can share too much, therefore she treads very lightly staying somewhat in control.

She’s been  hurt…

She’s been at her worst…

She’s methodical…

She’s careful…

Subtle with emotions and yet so aggressive with passion.

She has secrets…

She is reserved…

Waiting for the right one takes patience and she doesn’t mind.

She loves the ocean but knows not to go in too deep. The waves are massive, pounding, so powerful. She knows better. She knows once it reaches her, she may not be able to hold on to safety. She’ll drown because once lost in love she is blind. But, she forgets…not all waves are the same. That one is murky, the other is filthy and this one…this one is beauty.

She isn’t aware…

She is foolish…

She is daunting…

She is intimidating…

She is surprising…

She is loyal…

She is caring…

She is intelligent…

She is all these things I have yet to know.

They say it shouldn’t be so tiresome, but I say greatness isn’t achieved so easily.

She…she is worth the wait.

This one is beauty.

This one is beauty.

I saw an article on Kim Kardashian yesterday. This leaves me with the question, is she a powerful woman in her own right? What is she famous for again??? LOL

Here’s the article. I also posted this on Facebook with the hopes of a little debate :)

Kim Kardashian

Hey, it’s a hot photo. I just don’t know about the pushing a stroller and showing your boobs. I added a couple of screenshots on my thoughts.
image

image

I’m not defending Kim, like I said, I’m not a fan. I sympathize with the blogger. I completely understand where she’s coming from. A lot of women tend to hate on other beautiful-put together women. I don’t know what it is…but girls can be so jealous. Envy, maybe that’s a better word. The blogger had to stop and really think about what it is she was truly feeling. Automatically the majority just bashed Kim. Saying how inappropriate it was, etc. I’m pretty conservative so this is a non bias post. Am I surprised Kim walked out of her house with her boobs all over the place? NO! Come on, this is Kim Kardashian we’re talking about. I don’t have a problem with it. She is who she is and it’s expected. And plus, someone like her can pull it off and get away with it without a care in the world. Now if I did that, all hell would break loose. People would think I lost my mind, lol.

Although I don’t care for Kim, I do think she is a powerful woman. Regardless of how she was discovered. What she did then was then. And so what, men do things like that all the time. Lets not have double standards here. She’s obviously a pretty intelligent woman. Her come up wasn’t respectable like lets say….Beyonce, but nonetheless she has brilliantly used it to her advantage. She’s been able to build her brand. And her brand is…KIM KARDASHIAN. It works. She’s not doing anything that’s hurting anyone. She’s doing her.

Good role model? Well it’s not technically her job to be a role model. Parent’s, that’s your job. You should be in control of what your child sees on TV or hears on the radio. I don’t have a cable for a reason.

Women, it’s hard enough as it is for us to make it in this world. It seems the blogger initially thought… what a whore! But then realized what the truth really was. It’s not really about the picture, yet it’s a lack she feels in herself. Granted Kim has money. Of course it’s easier for her to be able to work, party, mom and still be attractive. She can buy it all. Time and beauty. Verses someone like you or I. I don’t have a nanny. I can’t just go get Botox or pay to suck everything in (not saying Kim did cause I don’t really know). But, the truth is, we don’t need crazy amounts of money to have what she has. A determined woman can and will do it all. I bust my ass, no doubt. You’ll see pictures of me with a drink or smoke in my hand out at a club and automatically judge me. I should be at home with my child right? I work and blow my money on looking good and partying right? By the looks of some photos, a good time is what I’m all about right? Well, to those who think that…sorry to burst your bubble. I am so much more than just that. My point is, take the time to get to know me. Take the time to get to know people before criticizing and judging.

We as woman should empower each other. Admire each other. Help each other. It’s always been a man’s world. How about we change that? How about we make the playing field fair? There’s absolutely no way that’s going to happen if we don’t start pulling together.

First things first, if you’re a hater….stop. Look in the mirror? Not happy? Fix it. And you WILL if you really want to. Then when you’re finally there and truly happy with yourself, I guarantee your outlook will change. I am very happy with myself, so when I see a beautiful, together, powerful woman, I admire her. No jealousy, no hate. If anything I push myself even harder. Not that I lack, I just have very high standards for myself. I pride myself in being the best version of me as humanly possible.

There it is…when you’re unhappy with yourself, you tend to hate those who really are happy. Happy people don’t spend their time dwelling and belittling others. Especially when it’s unfounded. Kim Kardashian is a powerful woman in her own right. That’s the truth. Will she ever be a Beyonce or Christina Aguilera in my eyes, F* no! She has nothing on them :)

Reflect, accept, improve, and pass on the good vibes. Ladies lets empower each other.

Sometimes I find myself spending too much time on my smart phone. Going on this site, going on that site. You’d think after being on a computer all day I’d be sick of looking into a screen by the end of the day. Nope.  I don’t watch too much TV. Not really at all. I do like watching movies. It’s a great way to get my mind off of everything. I spent all weekend watching Twilight with a friend of mine. And I mean ALL 5 lol. It’s one of my all time favorite epic love stores. I’m a sucker for a good love story. I probably shouldn’t watch these types of movies because I imagine that’s how love should be, epic!

Anyways, I made it a point to read before bed last night instead of getting on my phone. Sometimes I forget how much more rewarding reading is than Facebook. I’ve been working on finishing Safe Haven for a while now. Not because I’m a slow reader, I just have 4 other books I’m working. All 4 of them are self development, finance type books that require a pen and notebook. So yes, it’s taking me a while

-_-

I’ve seen the movie, Safe Haven. Pretty good. But I must say that the book is so much more entertaining. I’m getting pretty excited thinking about it now, lol. Most definitely I will finish it today. I’ll have to find time to cook, clean up and wash the dogs as well. I’m already exhausted! We’ll see what happens. Moods change all the time :)

So, back to the reason why I’m writing today. I should write, everyday actually. It’s just I lack consistency. I pay the price for it, trust me.

I did an experiment yesterday. I logged how many times I got on my phone from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. Even the amount of time I spent online. And this is with company and 4 hours of movie watching. OMG. It was tooooo much. I mean, I’m looking into a screen just waaay too much. Granted I blog and I market social media so that means it’s kind of  like a job. It’s something I like to do and in order to reach my goal, I have to be in front of the computer everyday. After a long day of my normal 5:30-2 pm job, I still have my outside interests that I’m bound to. But at least it’s by choice :) I came to the conclusion that I just need to be a little more disciplined with managing my time. No filling it with wasteful tasks. Like checking emails or going on Instagram. When it’s time to write, I need to stay focused. NO distractions. If I stuck to my plan every single day, OMG my book would be done! But it’s not. Why? My lack of discipline and consistency. My target was mid 2014. It’s not going to happen :(.. … Cry me a river right? Yes, I know. I only have myself to blame. No excuses.

 

Here are some thoughts I tend to tell myself when I’m slacking.

Life keeps moving, direct your course.

Simple habits  build momentum, you must be consistent.

Change is automatic, progress is not, therefore discipline is key.

Find your center when you’re distracted. If you know your WHY, you’ll always find your way back.

 

Talking to myself, that’s how I stay grounded :)

Let’s talk about why being in silence, alone with no connection is difficult. I think it scares a lot of people. That would mean we would have to face a lot of shit that’s wrong with ourselves and in our life. I mean, there isn’t anything to distract you. All you can do is think. Normally when we think, we tend to over think. What comes to mind most? Everything that isn’t going right.

We medicate ourselves with cellphones, TV, alcohol, drugs and even food. These things comfort us don’t they? I mean why would we want to feel any kind of pain or stress. They’re unwanted feelings and for good reason. They suck! So we look to all these others things to distract us. It helps us keep a balance of some sort. Keeps us going, living, existing. What would it be like without alcohol? OMG. Forget football, alcohol is EVERYONE’S favorite pastime. Well almost. Every adult I know drinks. I take that back, I know one guy who doesn’t and another person because she’s a recovering alcoholic. BUT, I know a lot of people and to only be able to name just two, that should tell us something. I mean we drink socially, yes. But have you ever been upset and said, I need a drink? I know I have.

Why? Why do we need all these other things to make us feel better? I guess being adult comes with tons and tons of responsibilities. It does, no need to guess!

For parents, the fact is…the last person that gets taken care of is ourselves. We’re working so hard trying to make everyone else happy besides ourselves. We are constantly in the action of always doing and not being. Who are with without our kids, partner or job? Demands, demands, demands.

Majoring in minor things. Stressing out over things that are really not important.

Why do we do that? It’s actually quite frustrating. This post relates well to a previous one of mine about Awareness. I really think that’s the key. It will help us makes sense of things and find balance. We have to take care of  our family but we cannot forget that our own well-being is extremely important. If we’re not truly happy inside, it will show. And in time we will break. We’re like walking, talking, doing robots. No time to really be ourselves, as an individual. I’m undeniably guilty of this. But I’ve learned. Through countless low periods, I know that I must take care of me in order to take care of everything else. Hence why I have a blog, why I got into multiple ventures. Parents, take a step back and look at your life. Ask all the tough questions…like who are you? What did you use to dream about? How often do you do the things you love? Be honest. Then tell yourself that your needs are just as important as everyone else. From there find a balance. It’s a win, win situation for all parties involved. The happy you makes the best you.

My ending thoughts…yes, I need to be more consistent. And yes, no more filling my time with wasteful things. And yes, I need a break from time to time. Solitude, I need that. I spread myself pretty thin with family, friends, work and life goals…remembering to stop and breathe isn’t always easy but a must!

Take it easy friends :) XOXO

 

 

OK, I’m back from my mini vacation and I must say I feel pretty darn refreshed. You know how sometimes people dread coming back to work after their trip? Well, to my surprise I don’t feel that way. That’s a good feeling :) I do have quite a bit on my plate. It’s not like they went anywhere because I went somewhere. But I feel like I have the energy now, to take care of things. This trip kind of just made me appreciate the simple things. I guess I’ve found my center again. Nothing like a change of scenery to shed some light in your life.

So, moments like these I have to take full advantage of it and be productive. I’ve been meaning to create my RPM (Rapid Planning Method), but I’m a procrastinator :( That will be on the top of my list today. Besides writing this post. As you know I’ve been slacking with this as well. I hate that I do that. I’ve had a case of writers block recently. It’s like I start something then for whatever reason I’m unable to finish it. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I’m sure we all feel that way sometimes. BUT, I won’t. Great things don’t just happen, I know.

I’m thinking about a post I wrote a few weeks ago. I actually read it this morning. It was about hurt and why things happen the way they do. Well…I was right. I found the answers I was looking for. I think experiences condition us for the real thing. No matter what it may be… love, work, family…things happen. If we keep our mind and heart open, we’ll find the lessons in them.

I’m in this clarity moment. Thank the universe it came sooner than later. I’ve healed and yes, I am stronger. I mean…OK…maybe there is a little wall. But I’ve learned not to be so naive. Which is a good thing…I think, lol. I’m sorta kinda facing a challenge now. AGAIN, sometimes I just don’t understand people. I don’t get it. Why do we have to make things so much more difficult than it has to be? I choose the simple things in life now. I wanna do what I want, say what I want. Of course with in reason. I’m a pretty level-headed person. And courteous. I wish more people were as well. But, like the Dalai Lama says…

“Noticing a single shortcoming in ourselves is far more useful than seeing a thousand in someone else. When it is our own, we can correct it.” 

So I guess I shouldn’t be too focused on why people are the way they are. I’ll just focus on myself. That’s enough to handle alone :)

Anyways, I’ll just leave this post to...life shouldn’t be so complicated. We all should learn to enjoy the simple things. Don’t be afraid to be you, to say how you feel. Go after what you want. Life can be so messy, lets clear all the unnecessary bullshit and start focusing on what’s really important. I don’t know about you, I’m over the drama. Tired of all the negative and nonsense. I’m happy to be alive and healthy. Life is good…but if your life is shitty, it’s not really life’s fault, it’s yours. So get off the self-pity train and fix it. Yes, it really is that simple.

Here’s a great song…Simple Things…in love, family, friends…in LIFE. Let’s uncomplicated life.